You’re Never Alone

Posted: 10/2/2014

Hi, my name is Jana. This is my story. Bullying has been a problem since I was in the first grade. I was the fat, weird, and loser kid. The teacher was literally my best friend. The second grade was no better. Especially since the teacher was terrible. I was alone. No friends. I finally moved to a different school at the start of the third grade. Things got better, and I actually liked it. Then came the fourth grade. My two "best friends" turned on me and told everyone my dad was in jail. I was heartbroken that they treated me like that. It then led to one of the girls bullying me online taunting me, saying that my dad was in jail for molesting me. He wasn't. He was in jail for drugs. We then moved again to another school. I fell in love. It was the best school ever. There was still bullying, but it wasn't as bad. Even though I only had 3 friends, that was all I needed.

I went through the sixth and seventh grade with minimal bullying. Then came the eighth grade. The bullying started up again. And this time, it was really bad. At that point, I was just done. I was tired of the constant bullying and going home bawling. I thought it had all finally stopped. I was wrong. The bullying got so bad that I became severely depressed. I missed a lot of school. What no one knew was that I was staying home because I could barely walk and was scared. I could barely walk because at that point, I started cutting myself. It was horrible. I stayed in bed all say. I cried myself to sleep at night. No one had the slightest clue. My mom just thought I was sick. Eventually, my 2 best friends found out. I made them swear not to tell, and lied to them constantly. A few months later, my mom found out. I felt like my whole world had come crashing down. Me and one of my best friends were no longer friends because of rumors. I hate my mom's boyfriend because he's not my dad. Everything was horrible. Cutting was this way I could cope. All the shame and the pain was marked on my arms, wrists, and legs. It was awful. I just couldn't stop. When my mom found out, she put me in counseling. (If you are ever struggling with self harm in any way, you need to get help IMMEDIATELY!!!!!! It is NOT a healthy way to cope. And if you're ever thinking about it, DON'T!!! You are beautiful and are worth more than harming yourself. Please, if you are harming yourself in any way, GET HELP!) Things started looking up for once. Then came high school.

Stupid high school freshmen. That was me. I was THAT freshman. The stupid, fat, and annoying freshman. Things actually did start to look up for me though. Despite all the upperclassmen making fun of me, I learned to cope better. No, I'm not going to lie. It's not like I haven't relapsed. I have. I feel like I'm on the road to recovery, and it is a long road. I have been through something as small as a fat joke, to as big as my four wheeler accident where I broke my thigh, arm, and 5 ribs, along with a severe head injury. I feel experienced. I feel more grateful for my life. Every time someone makes fun of me, I think, look at where I'm going to be in 10 years down the road. I have a bright future ahead of me, and I'm not letting some insecure person bring me down. Life's hard. But you weren't given a life you aren't strong enough to live.

So, my thoughts on bullying? Huh. Why? Why would you make someone feel so bad about themselves that they hurt them self and try to kill them self? It's not cute. It's not funny. And it sure doesn't make you cool. I have 5 bracelets I wear constantly. Warrior, Stay Strong, Stop Bullying, Band Against Bullying Stand Up Speak Out, and LOVATIC. These things remind me that I am a warrior, and that I can get through anything. I'm honored that my birthday happens to be on October 5. Since I am turning 16, I am getting my first tattoo on my wrists that will say Stay Strong. A permanent reminder of what I've been through, and how strong I am for coming out of it. I don't see the reason for bullying. Just don't say anything rude. I feel like I was meant to be an advocate for anti bullying, and help make it stop. I feel like that is one of my purposes in life. Always, ALWAYS, remember, you are beautiful and worthy of life. You DESERVE a healthy happy life, and if you are struggling with the same things I struggled with, know that you are worth recovery. There isn't just one type of beautiful. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

By: Jana