Keriann's Story

Posted: 11/20/2012

To tell you my story you have to understand my background the places and roots that I come from. I was born into a family who was struggling. My dad was in the military and left when I was a baby. I had a mom, and I had a brother. My mom was a teenager, her mom was in jail, and she had two kids while trying to make it on her own. She had no money, getting food was a struggle, and we didn’t stay anywhere to long because we got evicted every time. Two years of struggling went by and my little sister was born. Now, my mom had three kids. She was never home and we always had a babysitter. Well, she decided enough was enough when I was two and a half. She couldn’t take care of three children. She called an adoption agency and put me and my sister up for adoption.

The first family they found for us didn’t work out and they gave us back. The second family did work but then right before finalization she took us back and decided she couldn’t handle giving us up. So, she let six months go by. By time this happened, I was old enough to understand and retain exactly what happened. It was right when my memory started developing when she finally gave us up for the last and final time. I never saw her again and I remember every waking moment of it. I was a devastated little girl who just lost her big brother and her mommy and felt like I was broken. I cried at night for hours on end for years. I got so angry id hit myself on the legs, I would pull my hair, id kick the wall, I’d throw things, and I’d throw huge fits to where I was just letting every ounce of pain flood the house.

My new parents never really understand, they thought getting us was the best day of their lives. Maybe it was, but for me, it was the beginning of a long road of pain and suffering that still hasn’t left me. When I went to Kindergarten, I was a good kid. I never did anything too bad at school and I was pretty happy. Although, I still remember being bullied by a little girl. I never told my parents, I didn’t trust them.

In first grade I went to a new school full of new people. I was so angry at school. People were mean to me, and in return I was mean back. Of course, my parents didn’t understand. They punished me, they didn’t understand my feelings, and they sure didn’t stand up for me. Then a little girl told the teacher I said a bad word. I didn’t. She told the teacher and the teacher was rude about it, yelled at me, and called my parents. Again, I got in trouble. The next month that same girl was picking on me at recess. I had enough, and I threw mud at her. I couldn’t take being hurt anymore and I was sick of being pushed around. Of course I got in trouble and nobody cared how I was feeling. At this time I started telling people I hated being at home and id tell them my adoption story, hoping someone would hear me and understand. I felt like I had to grow up too fast. I understood way too much and felt separated from other kids because of it. I was only six.

In second grade I became best friends with a girl who made fun of me to the other kids. I was tormented every day! I kept it all in side until I snapped and that’s the day everything went downhill. I was determined to make it known how I was feeling. I yelled at the girl and was just so mean. Her friend later slapped me on the face. I didn’t tell anyone! Then a few months later a girl stole my candy and I finally had the courage to tell the teacher and the teacher didn’t believe me. Why? According to her, I was a trouble maker. I then stole some candy from the girl. She told the teacher and I got into trouble at school and even worse at home. Nobody knew what I was going through.

Third grade came along, and a girl came to school was just cruel and mean to me. She laughed at me; shed make clubs that were targeted against me. Kids would laugh at me, and repeatedly called me names. I tried to ignore it but as a small child I couldn’t. So, I was mean back. Still bottling everything inside, she told the teacher and the teacher yelled at me. That teacher acted like I was the worst. She acted as though she had no tolerance for me. I hated school! Although I hated school I couldn’t stand being at home. This was about the time I noticed something wasn’t right at home. I realized that I felt alone. I also noticed my mom acted like I was a bad kid. Never standing up for me, never asking and constantly punishing me for things that didn’t happen. My dad defended her. He was never even home because of work and he still took her side. So, I continued hiding my feelings, I drew away from my mom. I started begging for attention so someone would notice me and realize what I was going through. I started lying, stealing, and being mean. I hated who I was and I hated my life.

In fourth grade, more mean girls came to the school and tormented me every second of the day. Not only did they verbally torment me but they follow me and make me as uncomfortable as possible. They send me notes saying things that I wouldn’t repeat even as a teenager.

This continued into fifth grade. Then a girl started offering me her food that she didn’t want to eat because her mom would get mad if she didn’t finish it. Then her mom started asking questions when she didn’t think it was true so she told her mom I stole her lunch from her. I didn’t do that and believe it or not, I never tried. My mom didn’t back me up. She simply didn’t listen and she punished me until I told the truth. Well, I didn’t want that forever so I said I did to get out of it. My mom still speaks of me stealing this girl’s lunch today. Something I never did.

Sixth grade came and I lost it. It was the first time I felt I wanted to die. I cried all the time. I even hurt myself with a pencil once. I hated life, I hated my parents for being the biggest pain in my life, I hated everyone who bullied me, and I trusted no one. A teacher started bullying me as well. She called me stupid, said I wouldn’t make it, threatened me, and even brought up my adoption once and how I wasn’t wanted.

Middle school was the worst. I cried all the time, I sat alone at lunch, I felt alone once again, and I even wished to be dead. I made a Facebook so I could talk to people. My parents found out, took my phone and Facebook and didn’t know that, having that Facebook saved my life one night when I was going to hang myself. I was only 13. They took away everything from me and I hated them. I hated them for taking me from my family as kid, I hated them for taking away my forms of communication that I needed desperately, and I felt like they hated me.

In ninth grade I got told to die by a girl on my last day at that school. I switched school, had no friends, continued being treated like crap, and my sister became popular. I slipped through the cracks. I was nice to everyone, I behaved at home, and I tried with my grades. Yet I got yelled at when I was home, I got rejected at school, and my friends turned against me. I started cutting myself. Somehow that pain I was hoping would make me feel better on the inside. When it didn’t work id keep trying until it did work. I started making up suicide plans, Id plan days and even times. I always thought maybe it’ll get better? I’ll wait. That never worked... It got worse. I continued self-harm. Things at home got worse. Friends got worse. Every day was a struggle and I needed help. Things kept getting worse, and then the girl from my old school, the one who told me to die, transferred schools. She transferred to my school.

A couple weeks into 11th grade I saw these same girls at the store. They laughed at me. They ran the other direction. Everyone brushed it off, but these are the things a struggling teenage girl never lets go, it’s almost impossible.

I can guarantee that if people understand what bullying did to people, things would be a little different. We are all together in the same place for 4 years, and in our case, 6.

Why make it the worst time of one person’s life, to make it your best? It is sickening and sad how one child has the power to make things so hard for someone and there life for years. Bullying not only pulls apart friendships, but it sometimes draws lines in families, and it does kill. Let’s not let it get to that point. Don’t wait until it happens to you, there’s someone in the same halls as you hurting now. 

Ive recently discovered that my parents did care, they love me so much, I was given up to a family who cares about me and does there best to get me what I need.. I can always count on them. But that’s what bullying does! It tears familys, people, and individuals apart…

Honestly, as a young child, when you are told something so often, that’s when you start to believe it.. That’s what happened to me. I know I am not the only one and I want everyone to take this as a lesson. 

Bullies: this is what you do to families and there kids
Victims: Your parents love you. Don’t believe the lies fed to you because you are so worth it! 

Everyone else: Stand Up. Speak out. Don’t let a child slip through the cracks. Let someone know theyre loved today ?

Families: if your loved one is suffering from bullying don’t tell them to ignore it. Don’t act like its no big deal because it is so much deeper than that.. Let your child know theyre loved and take a stand today

I am now 16, still bullied everyday, and I am starting an anti-bullying campaign in my town. Its hard without a budget but it is an awesome experience for me :) 

By: Keriann