No Excuses. No Regrets.

Posted: 10/16/2012

I'm only 31, but this late in my life, it's hard to remember how bullying started for me. I really can't recall if I started bullying, if someone started bullying me, or a combination of both. The only thing I'm certain of is that it happened. I know it happened in grade school. There was a girl. She wasn't pretty, didn't have the social graces, and didn't fit in with everyone else. Not sure if I'm blocking out what I did because I'm ashamed, but I know I bullied her. She put up with bullying by everyone and was still able to smile. There was a boy. He was new to our school the last year, and small in stature. He got along with everyone, and everyone got along with him. Just because we were friends, it didn't stop up from messing with him. This was the point where I felt the power that I had over him. My playing around focused in on him because I could get away with it. It felt good.

Then came high school. If you're not on the top of the food chain, it's gonna be a rough ride. The first three months of high school I was completely alone. This time, I was that boy and my bullies were three girls. Three girls that I crushed on. Hard. They let me know that I wasn't welcome. I put up my shell and didn't let anyone in. Three years and I would be done. At times I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. Other times I thought I was getting what I deserved. Other times their hatred infused attention drew me closer to them. When they moved out of the picture and I started coming out of my shell, the jocks moved in. I wanted to destroy them. I wanted to kill. It was relentless. There was nothing I could do. Ignoring didn't do anything. Telling a teacher? Yeah right. That just invites even more ridicule. There was even an ex-girlfriend that started spreading rumors that I was gay. Everyone laid into me. It took me until the last semester of my senior year to realize that I was important and would make something of myself. I also realized that most of these people wouldn't amount to anything, especially the jocks. I got an "I don't give a ****" attitude.

Then a funny thing happened to me. I took a special where it was just me and one of the jocks in the class. He was forced to get to know me. And guess what happened? He validated me. The rest of the jocks got to see that I had something to offer and started treating me humanely. At my going away party before I left for the Army, most of the jocks and those three girls showed up, spent quality time with me, and even said they were glad they got to know me.

No matter what happened to me that made be bully, there's no excuse and I will NEVER attempt to make one. As bad as it may sound, which I have no intention of making it that way, I also have no regrets as to what I did or what happened to me. It made me the person I am today, someone studying civil rights law, so I can stick up for those that can't stand up for themselves

By: Brian