Is Manipulation Considered Bullying?
Posted: 6/1/2012
In my family, there isn't a common theme of similarities between our own physical features. We don't share the same hair, eyes, or even skin color. With one Indo-European mother, two Chilean brothers and me, Chinese, we create a family of many ethnicities. Not only is our family diverse because of our ethnicities, but we're also unique based on the fact my mom made the decision to adopt three children as a single woman; one of them born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). Growing up with a Peter, gave our family a stronger perspective and understanding that it’s not so much that he has developmental disabilities; it's more that he is differently-abled. FAS does not define Peter as a person and it’s important to know that although he may be developmentally delayed, there is still so much that we've learned from him.
At a young age, I realized that although I am not chronologically older, I am mentally the older sister. During our childhood, my logical thinking was already progressing faster than my own brother's and because of that, our relationship shifted fast. There was nothing left for Peter to show his little sister because she knew everything he knew. I believe the hardest thing for Peter is that he understands that there is something different about him. It’s something that is completely out of his control and something that could've been prevented from happening. Growing up with Peter taught me how to think analytically, be empathetic, and provide an independent role.
Right now, Peter is dealing with the shift into adulthood. He continues to search for his own path of independence, but yet he’s incapable of losing the dependency he has on others. Because Peter isn't finding that satisfaction from his family, he's relying on his girlfriend to provide it. She's fully aware of his vulnerability and makes no hesitation to take complete advantage of it. It's almost scary to watch how she forms her words to fit perfectly to Peter's ears. She knows exactly what to say and what actions should be taken to get what she wants out of Peter. Many people wouldn't consider this bullying because Peter is oblivious of her intentions, but that’s what makes it so dangerous. His vulnerability has made him an easy target and because she has so much power over him, my family can't do much but work around the information she continues to feed into his mind. Many people wouldn't relate manipulation to bullying because the act of manipulation is so subtle. There isn’t an automatic reaction from the target considering that they don't feel like they're put in a position where defending themselves in necessary. This is why finding a "solution" to this sort of situation is so difficult. If we start to blame the girlfriend on his current actions and different way of thinking, it will somehow spin out of control and lead to a loss of trust between Peter and the family.
When someone like Peter trusts you, it's not something that should be taken advantage of and because of the way he processes his thinking, we have to be extremely careful with how we handle the girlfriend. In a snap of a finger, his trust with us could disappear which is why our approach has to be well planned and analyzed. The last thing we would want is for Peter to depend on the person manipulating him more than his own family. All we can do now is control the amount of time he spends with her and hope that someday we'll be able to do more.
By: Sarah
